Every time I walk down the street I see someone and think.....they look interesting. Or I look down and see that he has nice shoes on and that’s all it takes......I’m in love. Instant love is great, no really.....it is. It saves me from ever really having to develop a true connection with anyone. I’ve spent my life pushing people away. I’ve built really high walls to keep people out. I know to never make eye contact with anyone on the street. Over the years I’ve been sharpening my sarcasm and dirty looks to the point that I’m convinced I could kill a small animal with a few of my deeper glaring looks. When you’re a girl in a city, you have to protect yourself. There’s a lot of crazies out there you know. People who can’t be trusted. People who will hurt you. So I stay inside my walls. I let people in, I do but they need to be what I’m looking for. My dreams are simple. My perfect man may not exist but I’m not looking for perfect. They need to be taller than me but not too tall. I don’t stand on phone books to kiss boys. Eyes...well blue or bluish. Athletic and strong but still gentle and sensitive. And he better be goddamn funny. But not abusive funny or sarcastic funny. Let’s say he has to be entertaining. They better have a job and some money cause I don’t spend time with struggling poets. Well unless they’re funny, blue eyed, a little taller than I am and well I guess if their a poet they’d already be sensitive but not too sensitive. I don’t want a boy who will cry every time I get upset or angry at them. They need to see beyond their own needs and honestly want to help others. Okay, maybe not too many others but at they should at least want to help me. Show a general interest in my goals, my hopes and dreams. I’d prefer if they didn’t make me watch hockey or football and that they didn’t think nights out with their friends are more important than me. It’s okay if they’re a gamer but not a hardcore gamer. If your video game time exceeds the hours of part-time job, please stay at home and play with your controller.
Instant love lasts a few seconds, a minute or two on the bus or it can take a whole hour for you to leave the restaurant without doing more then accidentally looking into my eyes. But if you do, you have me without a hello. Momentary infatuation, fleeting love or hopeless romantic. What ever words I want to use to describe my temporary delusion based love affairs, there are no words that can make them seem a bad thing. Without our delusions what would we be. One day, one of these delusions will last longer than 3 seconds and longer than two minutes. Until that day comes, I’ll just keep falling in love three times a day.
Maybe it's because I finished watching the first Sex and the City movie and am feeling hopelessly happy for Carrie and hopelessly sad for myself, but reading this post has left me in tears.
ReplyDeleteIt's so honest.
And it's exactly how I feel.
I try to dress nice and wear lovely perfume and smile at everyone I pass - I give off the impression of having it all together, of being confident and content. But when it comes down to it I too could never meet strangers' eyes. I am like a pathetic love song where the only real love I find is in an ill-lighted club or bar and for a while that was always enough. But reading your post I realized that I’m done with all that. I want to finally look into the eyes of that boy across the restaurant and maybe even walk over and introduce myself. Why don’t I? What am I so scared of?
Maybe you can help me out because I honestly don’t know.