Dialing 411 to find a boyfriend

I read this story online this week about a woman who called 911 because she needed a husband. It was an emergency. She felt she needed to call 911 to help her find a husband. If she can call 911 for a husband maybe I can dial 411 for information on how to get a boyfriend. I suppose I'll get a boyfriend eventually. But to get one of those there’s all these things you have to be willing to do. Like dating, Speed dating, slow dating, group dating, blind dating and my personal favorite - Online dating. Online dating is like a full time job. It’s really not anything like dating. It’s an experiment in how much online spam you can collect in one day. Never put a picture up on the first day. Wait a week and get a list of potentials. Two days after you put your picture up you’ll really have to delete your profile and leave the site. I join 10 different online dating sites on a 3 month cycle. I’m not sure I’m online dating or playing an elimination game creating a list of boys I know to never contact again. When it comes to online dating I like to be different people and have different careers from time to time. It just makes it all more interesting. Of course the only problem with this is that the boys are doing the exact same thing. Can you believe these men will lie to you online? They lie about their height, weight, age and income. It’s one thing for me to have a little fun but when one of these balding married bastards somehow gets through my security defenses and they make it to the first date....well it’s really annoying. It’s so much better than the alternative. I mean online dating is safe, its fun and provides great stories for parties. Imagine the pain of actually interacting with other singles at a singles event? Or meet up groups? Sports outings, dinner events....lock and key dances. I mean if speed dating actually worked then why are so many people still single. 20 girls and 20 guys meeting for 10 minutes and then moving on the the next person. Six ten minute meetings every hour of every day, three hundred and sixty five days a year. If these things really worked these companies would go bankrupt because we’d all be married. I’m not suggesting that meet-up groups, speed dating and online dating are designed to fail so that they can keep taking money from you.....but they are not designed to succeed either. I’m not asking for perfection. There’s just a few things that every boy needs to have before I’ll send them a smiley face or throw a sheep at them. It’s such a struggle. A life of online connections leads to false hopes and disappointment. Image what the boys think when they see me. I can’t compete with all the models in those magazines. I mean I’m just human. If I see another magazine telling me how to please my man....... I might just have torch the store I see it in. Burn it to the ground. Why is the story always about me pleasing my man. When does he learn to please me? I have enough repair work to do on my own self-image without having to worry about pleasing someone else. I’m not going to lie to you....I’m a little bit of a fixer-uper. It can almost make you lose all hope. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to bring you down. I’m not going to bring you down or take myself down any further. I’m not going to give up. It’s easy to be sarcastic and cynical for the rest of your life. It’s easy to be mad and upset at yourself and the world. Sometimes you have to hold on to hope, especially when it’s the only thing you have. So please keep hope alive.