I’ve decide to blog about my inability to blog. I don’t feel my thoughts quite have the value needed to be spread across the internet for just anyone to read. My thoughts are my own and being such I believe they should be kept private and safe from prying eyes. I have a lot of hopes and dreams I’d express in public if I actually believed one of them might come true. Is that enough self-deprecation or should I continue? I think that’s my problem...I never stop turing things into a joke or a sarcastic comment. Not only is humor my shield it’s all I have. I’m afraid that if I ever faced a problem head on without turing it into a sarcastic game I might realize that I actually can’t do this. That I’ll never be good enough. It makes me angry. And I have an anger problem. I hold on anger until it ferments into unbridled rage. Anger is weakness. I’ve always know that, I have. I just wish I wasn’t so weak. I have made drastic attempts to let go of anger this year and it’s been working but sometimes I fall off the wagon and get upset. Maybe it’s the heat or the attitude of the people that surround me at work but I’m having trouble holding in my sanity. Hey, what’s the worst thing that could happen if I just stood up on my desk and told everyone to go to hell? My frustration leads to more frustration. I can and I can’t cope with all of my thoughts. This is why it might be a good idea to blog a little more. Blogging yearly is not the best of ideas. How about I try to blog once a month and see what happens. I’ll turn my pent up rage into verbal diarrhea and pray that no one reads it. I will release my anger into the universe and set myself free from the bondage of my own self-hate. I have good news though. It’s coming soon. Stand by for my postcards from my journey towards self-acceptance.
