I’m having and Eeyore kinda day, week...month. Is wallowing a life skill I should be exceedingly proficient at? I see darkness everywhere. I don’t want the holidays but they’re here and they’re holding my self-esteem and happiness at gunpoint. Every year. Every year I let the holidays sneak up on me and I don’t get ready in time. I don’t plan ahead and get things done so I get overwhelmed. I don’t know what to buy, I don’t know what to write and I don’t know who to be. Which me am I suppose to be during the holidays? Loving daughter, supervising adult, little girl, patient listener or drunk embarrassment?
With so many choices it hard to choose. I don’t want to be any of them. There’s never enough money, time or perfection for me to make it through the holidays. I usually run out of one of those things before Dec 15th and then it’s down hill from there. I just want to be me but I haven’t figured out who I am yet. I haven’t discovered who I want to be, I just keep finding out who I don’t want to be. Maybe we can cancel christmas? Maybe I can make canceling christmas my christmas wish? I do believe in canceling the holidays....I do...I do... I do. But you all still have to buy me presents.
