The ‘Not good enoughs’

I think I have a serious case of the ‘not good enoughs’. I’ve suffered from the ‘not good enoughs’ all my life. I’ve always wanted more. I’ve always need more. From me and from everyone. I want and need to accept myself as I am and I do. I really do accept myself for who I am. For the first time I care about myself and I love myself enough to be proud of who I am and what I do. It’s easy to fall back into old traps though. Old habits can follow you around, they hide in your shadow. When perfection is the only option, you will always fail. So many of the rules I live by are designed to set me up for disappointments. My disappointments drive me forward. But where is forward? Where am I going and is it where I want to go. I have to reinvent my thought processes. I have to let go of the past. I’m not good enough, your not good enough.....nothing is good enough....must be erased from my mind. A vital step to becoming who you are is acceptance. If nothing is good enough...you will never be able to accept who you are. You will never be able to care about yourself enough to move forward and grow. I want to grow and I want to be me. So I’m shaking off the ‘not good enoughs’ and becoming a stronger and heather me. It’s easy, really it is. I am who I am and that’s it. I don’t have to be perfect because no one is. It’s the lack of perfection that makes us human. I need to embrace my mistakes and take ownership of my silliness. My silliness and my mistakes make me who I am. Without my imperfections, without the parts of me I’m trying to get rid of or hide.......who would I be? I am my mistakes. I am my silliness. I am my 10 extra pounds. I am my early onset wrinkles. I am belly. I am slightly lazier eye. I am good enough. I am enough. And until I learn and accept that I am good enough, I can never become more than I am.